Ha! 235, sure, but we both know the real story, right? 235 years since we started counting. More like 525 if we go back to Columbus. And don't get me started on the Vikings!
But hey, no skin off your nose either way right? Sure, you look still look great in a suit, nobody's denying that, and you pull off the stove pipe hat, but nobody expects you to look like like a spring chicken anymore. I mean you're not Jack Lalanne (he should rest in peace). On the other hand, Rome fought off an invasion from the Gauls at your age. Though Rome also demonstrates that nobody lives forever, and you gotta take care of yourself.
No, you're showing some wear and no one begrudges you that. And experience counts for something. But it is maybe time to take stock. Don't get me wrong; there's still plenty of time to fulfill all that early promise. But you may need to pay a little more attention to the clock. And would it kill you to exercise a little self determination? All that entitlement has left you a little soft around the middle. Not sure how well you'd fare if things really got tough.
And I don't like bringing it up on your birthday, but your spending problem...its getting out of control. I know we've talked about it before, and there's always some good reason: The Great Depression, World War II, the War on poverty, spending the Soviet Union out of existence. But you have to admit the excuses are getting a little thin. Encouraging home ownership? By giving a mortgage to anybody with a check stub and a copy of Martha Stewart Living? And don't give me that bit about how Fannie and Freddie are private, those punks wouldn't make a move without you--if you tell them everybody gets a house everybody gets a house.
All I'm saying is that there's always an excuse, and, up till now, I've accepted them, because you always manage to pull a rabbit out of your hat. See, Americans are pretty good at innovating even as things get worse. That means we've been able to keep growing, even while you kept skimming off the top.
Come on, don't look so shocked. We all knew you were doing it--heck, you even stopped pretending after the first few hundred years and took it right from our paychecks. We didn't say much. We like living here and you kept the place nice. But frankly, a lot of us are starting to wonder what we're getting for our money.
No, its not about your intentions. I know you've got a heart of gold and you hate to see anybody poor or tired, especially the huddled masses. And the wretched refuse...well, they could always count on you. The problem is--well, its embarrassing to say this after this long--well, nobody really expects you to pay it back at this point. I was talking to China and they told me how they saw you at the Drop Inn and you hit 'em up for another 20 bucks "just until payday". China says they're through, no more, and they sound like they mean it.
Ok, no more crying. We've been down this road before. Remember Gramm-Rudman-Hollings? Remember all that talk about a balanced budget amendment? Even a line item veto, that was gonna fix everything. Well, I'm not buying it anymore. Get your credit cards. We're cutting them up.
What? No, I don't know what you'll do if you have car trouble. Guess you better get a bus pass. You should have thought of that before you went to Libya. Seriously, another war? Now? Shouldn't that tell you that you have a problem? What are you going to do with another war? You never even finished Vietnam and Korea!
Stop crying! C'mon, your colors are starting to run...ok, ok. Look, I'll give you another couple of months. Ok? Just a few months. To get your car fixed. But don't let me catch you using those cards at the minimart! And after that, its down to business. We really mean it this time.
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